So yesterday I decided to start something new in my life. Before that was Sunday, a day that started off right, moving forward, and ended in a hole with me deciding to not go to school the next morning.
I turned off the alarm. I slept in. I woke up, not feeling any better that I had ditched class. Still in bed, I distracted myself with videos of Navy SEALs sharing their stories, stories of courage, valor, and perseverance. Youtube ran out of distractions, so I took a shower to wake up. Maybe I'll actually get off my ass and do something today.
Shower thoughts: "Maybe I should just not go back again... No, I should stay. But what if I just gave up? So? But being a loser is so loserish. I need to stick it through. I need my family to survive, to live, to laugh."
"But right now, I'm not smiling. It's so hard to even think straight enough to have a convincing reason to smile. All things considered, I have to be real with myself. I have to be real with my family. My story has to be authentic."
"I need to message my friends to honestly share how I'm doing so they can pray for me and support me. No... I need to be even more radical. What if I share myself with everyone I know? Every thought, every action on Facebook. Not sharing my things, but sharing me. A social experiment? Stunt? Part accountability. Part Stupid. Part just something I feel the need to do. I only accept requests from people I somewhat trust anyways."
Later that day I met with a brother. When do I feel least apathetic about life? When I'm with people! When I'm in community. What is that something I feel the need to achieve and look back on with pride? Idk. For now, this cloud. Meanwhile, life is a series of smaller conflict and solutions and victories. I'm thankful for this brother, this family that is so selfless and willing to be there.
I wasn't particularly productive the rest of that day. 'Tis life. It was a good day.
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